I often told my crush in messages like how possessive I am for him, I am like "you are the most important person in my life currently, and he knew that.

At that time, we were preparing for the state civil service. When I asked him, "Do you have any girlfriend", he denied that, and he did not talk about it with me, about girls and all. Still, I am sure he had, when we first met, but then I guess it didn't work out, and that time we weren't that close, so I didn't know what went wrong between them.

Eventually, we became very good friends, he came to my room after class, I often request him to stay for the night, and he stays, he is completely different when he is with me like me being a decent boy, he tries to joke around about things that are not, you know, offbeat. He tried to make me laugh on topics that I did not think I would ever. Me being the total decent guy, while he was the occasional drinker with his other friends while in the engineering college.

All those usual slang words were common among him and his other friends, but with me, he is completely a different guy. I remember him saying once, "Hey, let's go for forest camping someday, you and me, my other friends are also planning but I told them to go, we two will go soon". He sometimes makes plans to watch movies and all.

I was like why the hell doesn't he ignore me since I am not someone who does all those boy jokes, don't drink and smoke, I could say I was a tubelight, who needs context to understand jokes. Still, he was with me. I remember one day day when he did not call me during my journey like whether I reached the destination or not, it was a 400km trip from my home to our college city, I called him and showed my annoyance like why he did not call me, I was like, "there will come oneday when I will leave you for life and won't even bother to call you, I can do that, then you will understand the importance of this friendship."

But eventually I suffocated in this equation, cause I was madly in love with him. That's why I decided to tell him exactly how I felt for him beyond friendship, so I wrote my every feeling about him on my iPad, made it a PDF, and sent it to him, it was intense, though it was not directly mentioned there that I love him, it was kind of a confession where I confessed how important he is to me. I don't know, like if he would have been a normal friend, he would have definitely called me out after reading this, but he did not say anything to me, he was like (okay I will read it later) that's it, we continued going to class, discussing various topics and everything was normal, I was like what the fuck I had to do to make him understand that I love him just not by saying directly to him. I was so confused, I don't want this abnormally normal situation. And when we separated like parted our ways for study reasons, I confessed my feelings to him through voice recording, and was offline for a week I guess. Then I received his message, where he mentioned that the fee…

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