I am NOT OOP. OOP is u/TheEmperorofJenks .

Previous BoRU by garethp

[Final New Update]: TIFU by importing bees to Uruguay + 4-Year Update

NEW UPDATE MARKED WITH ----

Editor's note: please note this is a large BoRU, recapping prior posts to refresh our minds before the latest update, removed some relevant comments for space in this latest BoRU

Thanks to u/czechtheboxes , u/Jenn_There_Done_That , & u/Direct-Caterpillar77 for letting us know about the new update!

Trigger Warnings: ableism

RECAP

Where to buy gourds? : July 17, 2020

I'm looking to buy ornamental gourds in bulk for a project. I need probably 1500 or so. Does anyone know of a local farm that grows them? Thanks!

Commenter: Why, pray tell, do you require such a gourd hoard? I already regret asking.

OOP: Due to local fluctuations in the tropopause, the jet stream has been shifting rapidly in a counterclockwise vector, causing a rapid disincorporation of the Hadley vortex cells in the lower ionosphere. Because of this, the geostrophic solar wind balance has deteriorated rapidly in the northern hemisphere. In essence, autumnal weather patterns in the western United States will lead to the biggest ornamental gourd yield in recorded history. Investing in gourd agricultural futures could likely produce up to $1600 per day in passive income. However, investing at the apex of the curve would be the most conducive to profit as the arbitrage (particularly 12b-1 fees) will develop at a market share higher than the back-end load. Basically, no one will be able to buy the stock at a higher price than you, and all value invested will be retained. A preliminary market penetration investment of $50,000 would be most efficient in generating this revenue.

I am financially ruined (agricultural futures) : Jan. 18, 2021 (six months later)

I have lost everything, and I'm not sure how to continue. This summer I invested $17,500 (six months’ salary and my entire life savings) into ornamental gourd futures, hoping to capitalize on this lucrative emerging industry.

After watching a video about Vincent Kosuga and his monopoly on onions, I decided I'd try to do something similar with another vegetable. I did some research and found out many agricultural forecasters expected this year's gourd yield would be far smaller than the past, due to deteriorating soil conditions in central Mexico and a warmer-than-average spring.

At first, demand soared around Halloween and prices skyrocketed, but the gourd bubble burst on November 12th. Unfortunately, the coronavirus caused a massive drop-off in demand due to fewer families decorating their tables for thanksgiving, and prices plummeted. I had invested early enough that I thought I would still be fine, but then on the morning of December 2nd, a new email in my inbox caused my stomach to turn into a pretzel.

The massive gourd shipment from Argentina, scheduled for early March, had arrived. I was planning on selling off my futures right before this, in February, but this ruined…

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